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Understanding Family Dynamics
Dysfunctional Roles Each Member PlaysIn An Active Family Addiction Environment
Common Family Roles
- The Enabler: Shields the person from the bad results of their actions, which lets the drug or alcohol use keep going.
The Enabler/Rescuer/Caregiver
The Enabler insulates the addicted individual by excusing their behaviors. They are unwilling or unable to hold the addicted individual accountable for their actions. They smooth things over and run interference to keep them from experiencing the consequences of their poor choices. This enabling behavior is often their desire to avoid shame and embarrassment.
- The Hero: Tries to make the family look good and normal by being super successful.
The Savior Or Hero
The Savior or Hero is the shining star of the addicted family system. They look good, achieve well, and never let the family down. They compensate for the shame the family feels around the addict by being the family superstar. They might cover for them, attempting to make the individual look "okay." This may be due to feeling helpless themselves. They may also be in denial of major problems that require professional intervention.
- The Scapegoat: Acts out or takes the blame so people look away from the main problem.
The Scapegoat
The Scapegoat is the person in the family who is blamed. The Scapegoat creates other problems and concerns in order to deflect attention away from the real issue. They are very successful at distracting the family and others from the individual with addiction issues.
- The Lost Child: Hides away and stays very quiet to not cause any more trouble.
The Lost Child
The Lost Child hides out, both physically and emotionally. They can be counted on to never “rock the boat.” They avoid conflict and suppress their emotions. They do not drain the limited emotional resources of the family, but suffer deeply internally.
- The Mascot: Uses jokes and humor to make light of a very sad or scary home life.
The Mascot
The Mascot provides comic relief for the hyper-stressed family. Sometimes humor is tactlessly aimed at the individual suffering from the addiction. The Mascot uses humor to minimize the pain in situations and to deflect hurt. This often becomes a maladaptive coping skill.
How Addiction Affects The Family & How to Talk About It
Trust issues- Emotional stress- Unhealthy Communication Patterns.
Drug misuse negatively impacts the addicts AND the familys behaviors, as well as, their physical and psychological health. You may notice changes to their overall appearance and well-being.
🔗 ADDICTS BOUND & 💔 FAMILY BROKEN
is this a generational curse?
- 🔗 Pay less attention to their appearance & hygiene.
- 💔 Over compensate with excessive hygiene rituals.
- 🔗 Isolate themselves to spend time using drugs.
- 💔 Isolates or don't want to come home & deal with the manipulative family member.
- 🔗 Develops poor sleeping or eating habits.
- 💔 Develops unhealthy eating & sleeping patterns.
- 🔗 Runny nose and/or unexplained abscesses.
- 💔 Decreased immune system from stress & increase in headaches and/or tummy aches.
- 🔗 Scratching or picking at their skin due to dehydration & hyper fixation.
- 💔 Acne increases due to poor eating habits & increase in stress hormones.
- 🔗 Obsessive thoughts & urges to seek and use drugs.
- 💔 Sense of impending doom & "what if's"
- 🔗 Rapid & big changes in personality & mood.
- 💔 Bouts of deep steady depression & anxiety.
- 🔗 Irritability or angry outbursts with increase rage or violent behavior.
- 💔 Frustration & anger towards the addict, as well as the other family members for allowing this behavior to continue.
- 🔗 Paranoia or unwarranted fear that causes harm or lack of capacity to care for themselves.
- 💔 Desensitized to behaviors due to repetition & no successful attempts at change.
How Addiction Impacts Children:
Children who grow up seeing a parent addicted to drugs or alcohol are more likely to do the same in the future! Early exposure can cause a child to feel emotionally & physically neglected & unsafe. As a result, they can become more mentally & emotionally unstable. Children may develop extreme guilt & blame themselves for a parent’s addiction. They may struggle with feelings of unworthiness or develop dysfunctional attachments in their lives. In extreme cases, CPS & the foster system can be called in.
According to SAMHSA’s 2022 National Survey, about 1 in 8 children live with at least one parent who has a substance use disorder. That means millions of kids are dealing with this situation right now. Honest conversations about substance abuse with kids can help in several important ways:
- Reduces confusion: Kids often notice changes in behavior or mood, and honest explanations help them understand what’s happening.
- Prevents self-blame: Children frequently think their parent’s addiction is somehow their fault. Knowing the true reasoning behind their parent’s actions can help prevent this from occurring.
- Builds trust: Being truthful strengthens your relationship with the child.
- Provides stability: Clear information can help kids feel more secure during uncertain times.
*REMEMBER: SILENCE KEEPS PEOPLE SICK!*
Teenage Addiction:
- 19% of people between 12 & 20 yrs old drink alcohol regularly; due to underreporting, the % is most likely much higher (reported by the CDC).
- Marijuana use is more common now in teens than cigarette smoking! Teenagers deal with peer pressure & bombarded with temptation.
Many are still impressionable while forming their identity. Also, teens who have experienced substance abuse at home, are more likely to abuse substances themselves. Teens can become overwhelmed & may want to run away from home. Parental distress can seemingly push troubled teens into the arms of a substance to escape. Running away from home makes a teen vulnerable to sexual, economic, & emotional exploitation.
Imagine you’re a child or teen who is realizing their parent is abusing substances. Learning that someone you love is powerless in the face of this substance can be life-altering. It’s not uncommon for a child to wonder if their parent is choosing the addiction to the substance over them.
When explaining addiction or mental health challenges to someone under the age of 18 yrs old, the focus should be on simple explanations and reassurance.
The Many Ways Addiction Affects The Family
Battling SUD (substance use disorder) is viewed by many as a personal experience. Because harmful substances have devastating effects on the user, many may not take into consideration the other people involved, but addiction can affect the family in many ways. The effects of addiction can be both short-term and long-term.
- Peaceful, loving homes can be divided by the strain caused by drug and alcohol abuse.
- Conflict becomes normal.
- Trust begins to erode.
- Relatives may become more guarded.
- Communication becomes more difficult, highlighting frustration.
- Watch their relative endure negative side effects of drugs
- Be the focus when they fly into rages when under the influence of alcohol.
- Others may see their relatives lose weight rapidly, becoming unrecognizable.
- Some may not hear from a loved one for an extended period of time, only to discover that they are living on the street or have fatally overdosed.
Such shocks can cause a relative to endure severe trauma or develop unhealthy coping mechanisms like codependant behaviors in response.
How NOT To Approach Someone With A Drug Addiction
Avoid talking to someone with a drug addiction when they are not sober and unable to concentrate or understand what you are saying. Don’t use language that blames, shames, or makes them feel guilty, and avoid arguing.
Instead, focus the conversation on how their addiction makes you feel rather than on what they are doing to themselves. They will likely become defensive and shut down emotionally.
Please don’t talk to someone with an addiction in front of people who make them feel uncomfortable or in a public location. Remain calm and show you care. Always state positive comments about their strengths or talents, assuring them you will help them recover.
Best Practices When Talking To Someone About Their Drug Addiction
When planning to talk to someone about their addiction, you must think about everything from location to language. Tips for a successful meeting include the following:
- Educate yourself and be knowledgeable on drug use and addiction.
- Have a conversation when your loved one is sober and can comprehend what you say.
- Have the meeting in a safe, comfortable, and private location.
- Talk calmly to them about how their addiction is affecting your life.
- Use language that is not stigmatizing and nonjudgmental.
- Compliment them, reminding them of all the traits you love about them.
- Don’t expect everything to be resolved in one conversation.
Transform Your Family Life Today
Hope- Connection- Community- Healing- Change
Studies show that relapse is far less likely in environments filled with support, encouragement, resources, & shared stories of HOPE.
Together, we will share our experiences so that your path to recovery can be the one that works best for YOU! In our space, there is no judgment & no “wrong” way to travel life’s winding roads... only new opportunities to grow through the obstacles, both expected & unexpected, that come our way.
As a Peer Recovery Specialist, I believe healing happens in connection. Having someone who truly understands where you’ve been... and can walk beside you without shame or stigma... can make all the difference.
Someone suffering with addiction needs YOU to believe they can get better because they have probably lost that hope. Remember that many addicts DO RECOVER! Even if they don’t believe in themselves, believing that YOU BELIEVE in them, can sometimes be enough for them to TRY AGAIN!
David Wolfe - Paraphrased by Liz
